


shut it down get it into your brain

by alwaysayes



Series: take me break me make me strong like you [2]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, M/M, Mentions of Past Overdose, Mentions of past abuse, im sorry, past pimms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-10 17:48:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8926498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alwaysayes/pseuds/alwaysayes
Summary: your hands are shaking a you click on your mom’s contact and call her, in the hospital waiting room and tell her you want to go home and you want to miss the draft because  jack, mama. h-he overdosed and i-  before she cuts you off with a sigh and tells you she’s  sorry, but, kenny. you can’t miss it because it’s your entire future and in tears you scream through the phone that  mama, jack is my entire future! and you shatter your phone on the waiting room floor. alicia walks over to you and you cry into her lap and nothing is good and nothing is right and nothing will ever be right again and jack. all you can think about is someone finding him cold on the floor and  oh god it’s probably your fault its probably your fault kent its probably your fucking fault jack almost died  and you can hear vincent screaming in your head at you and that hadn’t happened since you were fourteen





	

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is _very very very_ angst heavy. and the abuse and overdose mentions are parts of kents past. i just really wanted to a kent study without seeming super biased towards him? idk. its also hella fucking short and chock full of headcanons! (-: anyway PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE STAY SAFE!!!!!!!!!! also im lowkey biased towards kent because i identify ,,, REALLY hard with him!

your name is kent parson and you are from new york, but not the city. sometimes when you were younger your mother would drive you into the city for holiday shopping and you were always thrilled.

your name is kent parson and your father is a abusive shitbag and every time anyone raises their voice at you you flinch away and your heart falls into your chest when your mom calls you your full name because thats what  _ he _ did. he calls you useless and a waste of space and he tells you nobody will ever believe you and then one day your mom comes home when he raises his hand to hit you and she screams and screams and screams  _ vincent parson take your goddamn hands off my son before i fucking kill you get the fuck out of my house get the fuck out right now before i call the fucking cops. _

when you are fifteen you start playing hockey in the q and you meet jack zimmermann. he is a canadian hockey youth legend with the most shocking blue eyes you have ever seen and the biggest heart you have ever known. he seems almost like a robot at first, but over time he will warm up to you, even pinning a nickname on you. he calls you kenny, which nobody else does because you don’t let them (the only other person who calls you kenny is your mom). 

your name is kent parson and you are in love with jack zimmermann but he hasn’t realized yet so you ignore the fact that every time you lock eyes with him in practice your heart locks as well. your name is kent parson and you are the  _ most _ bisexual person in the world. your name is kent parson and every time he glances at you on the ice your heart drops into your stomach and your pulse goes wild because nobody has ever looked at you like that, like you were indisposable, and irreplaceable, and everything good in their life. nobody has ever looked at you like that, when their eyes go soft at the edges because they care so much about you. Your name is kent parson and when jack says “kenny” your heart melts into pieces because nobody in your life has ever cared about you the way he does.

your name is kent parson and when you are fourteen you are diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and that’s when everything changes. everything changes because your siblings start treating you like you’re fragile and breakable and it makes you so angry that you can’t comprehend and then sometimes it makes you feel like you just can’t get out of bed and then you do and you split on everyone and they all hate you (but they don’t, really). 

your name is kent parson and when jack confesses to you in a room full of other players your heart melts into the ground below you and your skin is on fire where he touches your arm even though he’s touched you like that before it sets you aflame.

your name is kent parson and when jack pulls you into a storage closet to kiss you so hard that you feel dizzy your heart is beating out of your chest and jack tastes like whipped cream and vodka and you are on fire.

your name is kent parson and the second jack holds your hand your body lights even brighter and your heart is pounding pounding pounding.

your name is kent parson and three months later when jack introduces you to his parents as his boyfriend instead of just his best friend you feel that YA novel cliche where your face gets bright red and your heart starts pounding. his parents tell you to call them bob and alicia and you smile and nod. 

your name is kent parson and the first time you break down in front of jack is after a game and you are melting into the bed and crying and your tears multiply and multiply and he just places a gentle hand on your back because he doesn’t know what to do and you are crying because people keep calling you things and you don’t want to be anything anymore. your name is kent parson and you are crying and you are a mess and jack cannot put you back together so you start drinking.

you start drinking and so does jack and you know you are the reason for his demise and you are hurting all over and so you turn to pills to numb your body and everything is on fire.

your name is kent parson and your boyfriend keeps trying to get through to you but you split on him and he leaves because he has tried to understand but you wont let him understamd you and he leaves.

your name is kent parson and when alicia calls you from the hospital and tells you jack overdosed you feel your heart fall out of your chest and you get to the hospital as fast as you can but they won’t let you see him.

your name is kent parson and you are falling apart and your entire world is crumbling and the only thing you can think is jackjackjakcjakcjackkjaajckjackacjkaakjackj and they still wont let you in to see him.

your hands are shaking a you click on your mom’s contact and call her, in the hospital waiting room and tell her you want to go home and you want to miss the draft because  _ jack, mama. h-he overdosed and i-  _ before she cuts you off with a sigh and tells you she’s  _ sorry, but, kenny. you can’t miss it because it’s your entire future _ and in tears you scream through the phone that  _ mama, jack is my entire future! _ and you shatter your phone on the waiting room floor. alicia walks over to you and you cry into her lap and nothing is good and nothing is right and nothing will ever be right again and  _ jack.  _ all you can think about is someone finding him cold on the floor and  _ oh god it’s probably your fault its probably your fault kent its probably your fucking fault jack almost died  _ and you can hear vincent screaming in your head at you and that hadn’t happened since you were fourteen

you could hear vincent in your head and suddenly your mom was in there too, yelling back at him and you couldn’t breathe and your throat was closing up and oh god oh god oh god jacj jack jacjk jakc ja ck.

your name is kent parson and when you are at the draft as the top pick your heart drops because it should be jack fucking zimmermann not kent parson.

your name is kent parson and at the epikegster when you are talking to jack and you say you miss him and he won’t believe you you can feel your heart fall into your feet and so you slam the door open and barge out and try to drink it away again.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> title from love song from paris/non love song from nashville by jon cozart and dodie clark because holy shit if that isnt an unrequited pimms song idk what is.  
> follow my[les mis blog!](http://www.stantaire.tumblr.com) or [my check please blog!!!!](http://www.zimmerguyy.tumblr.com)


End file.
